Still trying

I got more sleep last night, which helped a bit. I’m still struggling. Mike leaves town tomorrow. I’m feeling kind of tender because I have a locket that used to have a little note from Mike in it. The note fell out or got lost or something, and when I told him he offered to write another one. But he still hasn’t and I guess it’s just not important to him. I know it’s a minor thing, but it makes me sad. I guess I just really crave extra attention right now because of my depression but I’m afraid to ask for it because I don’t want to cross the line to clingy and push him away like last time. I know that there’s a way to ask for a little extra help without going overboard and smothering him, but I don’t know how to find that balance. Instead my system seems to be suppress my emotions as much as possible until I break down and have a crying fit, then wait to calm down and try to act normal again. And in between breakdowns I try to be as nice as possible to make up for the rest of it. Admittedly, it’s not the best system.


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