I’m feeling a bit better about all the stuff I wrote about in my last post. I analyzed a bit what appeals to me about moving towards a more poly model of relationships, and I think I can get all or almost all of that without other romantic relationships. I want to sleep with people I trust and feel comfortable with, people who are part of my life and not just an aside. I think I can do that by choosing partners more carefully. I need to sleep with actual friends and not sort-of friends or attractive potential friends. I also want to try to stick with people who are also non-monogamous because I think they will be more likely to stick around and want similar things I want.
I’m a bit worried about my mood though. I’m not sure if it’s PMS or depression, but I’ve had a lot of mood swings lately. I get irritable with Mike or I’ll be happy one minute and pissy the next. It’s really unpleasant for both of us. I’m trying to eat well and stay physically healthy and hoping that will help.
Overall, though, I feel like I spend more time happy than depressed or anxious. I re-started a hobby that I haven’t had time for lately. I’m being social. Mike and I are spending quality time together. I just feel frustrated because that level of happiness takes a lot of work and conscious balancing of productivity and leisure and emotional processing.