I’ve been feeling confused about non-monogamy. Mike and I have been in an open relationship forever. But casual sex is no longer something I’m comfortable with for myself. I don’t want monogamy, but I also need to be able to sleep with people I know and trust and can hang out with when we’re not having sex. I don’t want to sleep with someone who doesn’t have my back. That makes things complicated, though. Mike’s not comfortable with the idea of me having romantic relationships with other people, and I can completely understand that. But where does that leave us?

I suppose it means that I can have longer-term friends with benefits with an emphasis on the friend. But that’s what I’ve always been looking for and, while I have one of those now, I don’t know how long it will last due to some upheaval in his life, and it’s taken me about three years to find this situation in the first place.

I think after this ends, I’ll probably just hang back and focus on platonic friendships and my relationship with Mike. I still value non-monogamy, but after things end with my current FWB, I’m not sure if there’s another situation out there that I’ll be that comfortable with for a while.

I know this has been a bit of a whiny post. I know I’m very lucky overall. But sometimes I feel like I’m in a nether region where I can’t identify with any type of non-monogamy and it’s a bit frustrating in terms of finding partners and getting people to understand you.


One thought on “

  1. This post definitely rings a bell … we are going through some similar issues in our open relationship. My girlfriend has also tired of the fly-by-night hookups and wants a secondary relationship. While I am open to this, it took her some time to find this potential partner and he turned out to be a cheater with a wife of his own and brought nothing but toxicity to our relationship. She is back to searching, but it does seem to be a difficult endeavor finding someone who is the right fit for this type of role.

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