Mike and I had an unfortunately scheduled day today. In the afternoon, I had a play-date with the guy I’ve been seeing. Then at night Mike went over to a friend’s house to tie her up and do a rope demo for a couple of her friends. On the other hand, it felt kind of pleasantly balanced. And even though we both had our other interests and activities, it was nice because I never doubted our love and commitment.
I wasn’t really jealous about Mike’s plans at first. The friend is someone I know and like, and I know she doesn’t want to take my place. Then I thought about Mike possibly tying up her friend and felt a little jealous because I don’t know her, but it was only for a few seconds and then I talked myself out of that. I think it’s just a fear of the unknown.
Really, the hardest part about him going off to tie someone was that I missed out on some time with him on a day when I was tired and feeling affectionate. But we’ve spent a lot of time together lately and it’s been a lot of good, quality time. I think I finally understand what people mean when they say that if you are getting everything you need from the relationship, it’s easy to share your overabundance with others. Of course, a lot of the scarcity I used to feel was internal and not Mike’s fault, but now that I feel confident and secure, I’m not preoccupied with a fear of losing him and I can let him have the freedom we both value without being clingy.