Un-sexual healing

It says something bad about my past relationships that I still expect that if I say “I know we planned on doing [sexual activity], but I’m not feeling it right now. Can we do [platonic activity] instead and do [sexual activity] another time?” it will be met with whining and complaining or needling or guilt trips. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t sleep with people like that anymore. The fact that right now I have more than one partner who responds to that with “Of course. Why don’t we also do [other platonic activity]” and doesn’t punish me or make a big deal out of it is blowing my mind. In a good way.

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One thought on “Un-sexual healing

  1. This really speaks to me. My marriage was like that, with me taking the role of feeling bad when I didn’t want to have sex with my (now) ex-wife. I realize now what that was all about. Add a layer of gender norming on top of it all (guys are supposed to always want sex, after all!), and I felt like a failure as both a husband and as a man. I’m so glad to also be surrounded by people who are more in tune with me sexually and platonically!

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