My primary and I have been more or less monogamous for a while now due to my depression and a snowballing of non-monogamy problems. It’s been good for me, but I’m starting to get excited again at the idea of seeing someone else and comfortable with the idea of Mike doing the same. I can think about his other, hypothetical, partners in terms of compersion and welcoming them into our lives instead of just thinking of jealousy and how I’ll cope. I can think about myself having other partners and be excited instead of dreading it and feeling overwhelmed at the thought. I’m finally moving into the right frame of mind.
Mike and I have been taking steps back towards openness. We’ve been having talks and hashing things out about what we’ll do the same as before and what we’ll do differently. I reactivated my OK Cupid account just to browse for now. I’ve been talking with my therapist.
I’ve been doing so much better in general. I’m thinking about non-monogamy, but also thinking about my Halloween costume and my dog and my friends and school. I have a full life and I’m trying hard to settle into it and enjoy it.
I feel positive, like I’ve recommitted to non-monogamy and to my relationship with Mike. We haven’t pulled the trigger yet, but I hope that we will soon.