So last night I had a minor breakthrough in terms of jealousy. It wasn’t some big revelation or anything. It was just a pretty mundane situation that didn’t make me jealous. When I got home, I thought about it and I realized that same situation would have been a huge. fucking. deal. just a year ago. The fact that it was easy makes me feel justified in all the work I’ve put into non-monogamy and my mental health because it shows me that it is paying off.
We hang out with a BDSM group, and last night there was a get together. Mike had no previous plans to do anything with anyone but me, but we had sort of tentatively planned an impact play scene. One thing led to another and instead of the impact play scene he ended up fire cupping me and a friend of ours together. So, not a big deal. But in the past, I would have been stressed and jealous and resentful that my impact play scene didn’t happen. Instead I relaxed and had fun and then when we got home we rescheduled the beating for another time.
I learned a couple of lessons here. One is that I can slowly overcome jealousy. I’m really proud of myself and have renewed confidence in my ability to be confident and OK. The other is that things are just so much easier and more fun when I can manage my jealousy. If I can make the choice to be fine with things, my life will be so much better.