Information overload

I’ve had a lot of emotional processing to do lately. Mike has started making arrangements to see a new partner. They haven’t quite been able to get their schedules to coordinate, though. That means I’ve been in a shitty limbo area where I want to adjust to it but I feel like it’s hanging over my head. At first when he told me I was pretty upset. It wasn’t standard jealousy, though. There was some social awkwardness because he wanted to play with her at a kink party we would both be at and I didn’t feel comfortable with it (I know, I know, but baby steps). I offered to stay home so he could play with her, and I was sad to miss the party but otherwise fine with it, but he said he’d rather just do a scene with me and meet up with her in private another time. To him, that was the end of it and it was no big deal, but I worked myself into a frenzy of social anxiety over it for a while. We talked it out and ended up having a nice time at the party. I was worried she would be mad at me but she wasn’t.

Now I suspect that when they actually do play it will either be anti-climactic (for me, not for them) or that it will suck majorly but then as soon as it’s over I’ll be OK with this girl. She is a really nice person and I already liked her, so I’m at least pleased/comfortable with his choice of partner in this instance. But things were complicated by the unfortunate timing of him telling me about their plans just as my depression was dipping into a bad spot. I think I promised to write a nice, long, super-insightful post about it, but right now it doesn’t feel urgent or important, so this will have to do and I will try to get something more profound out of the experience when he actually does start to see her.

Also, one of my friends got a call from a former sex partner informing him that the partner had recently had genital warts that turned out to be HPV. Since this is my blog and not his, that’s all I feel comfortable saying about his situation, but I’ve been trying to support him while also dealing with some of my own anxieties surrounding sexual health. Talking to him about it and knowing that I’m about due for my regular testing has stirred up some nerves. By a lucky coincidence, this post over at Captain Awkward’s blog is a really beautiful piece that is technically about dating with HSV but is really so much more widely applicable. It soothed some of the anxiety I was having over my friend and I sent it to him and about three other people for various reasons.


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