So two important things happened to me yesterday. The first (and arguably most important), is that I got over my aversion to Jane Austen fan fiction. I’m currently reading this charming piece about Miss Anne de Bourgh, and I now own copies of both Death Comes to Pemberley and Spank Me, Mr. Darcy. But the other, more relevant to this blog thing, is that I went to a meet-up for ethically non-monogamous people.
I’ve been involved with my local BDSM/kink community for a few years now, and there is a lot of overlap between the two groups, but my town has never had an organized poly/non-monogamy group that I’m aware of. This was a new group’s first meeting. As I anticipated, the group was mostly poly people. I consider myself to be in an open relationship, as Mike and I don’t really date our other partners romantically, but I feel like I identify more with poly people than a lot of other ethically non-monogamous folk. I was the only non-poly person there, but the group is trying to include more types of relationships, like swingers and people like me. And of course, poly means something slightly different in every relationship anyway. We talked about a variety of issues, including poly in the media (this blog came up in conversation), raising children, jealousy and vetting other partners.
Talking with other people was interesting and fun and I learned some stuff, but mostly it just made me feel really capable of continuing to be non-monogamous. I struggle sometimes, but last night I came home feeling connected and supported and like I had new energy to make it work. Sometimes I get discouraged, but right now I’m feeling good about things. I saw a long-distance play partner who was in town the other night, Mike and I have been having great conversations about how we feel about each other and what we want our relationship to look like, and now I feel a little more connected to the poly community, which is somehow giving me the confidence to feel like this is no big deal.