Fearing the phone

I have a bad habit I need to break. When Mike’s phone rings or beeps or vibrates or anything my hackles go up. When I see him using his phone I get anxious or irritable. My immediate reaction is “it must be someone he is planning to sleep with” and I get jealous. I just have this negative visceral reaction to seeing him use his cell phone.

I’m trying to get over it, because it’s unfair to him and unhealthy for me, but it’s become a habit of sorts. Every time I notice myself doing it I try to think “so what if it is someone he wants to fuck?” That doesn’t actually change your relationship at all, and you can handle this.” Slowly, the anxiety I feel about his phone is getting less strong each time.

Mike’s birthday is coming up soon and a little after that his phone contract is up so he is getting a new one. His phone now is kind of crappy, so I told him that for a birthday present I’d help him pay for a nicer phone than he would have gotten otherwise with a new contract. My primary motivation is to give him a nice birthday gift that he will use and like. But I also sort of want to do it because it will remind me that my fears about his phone are irrational and I need to overcome them.

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